BroCast News

So…2014 is coming to a close.  And if you’re at all like me, you’re interested in all the top ten lists, especially for video games (here’s a really neat one).  This year has not been the best for gaming, what with all the controversy.  Or for me personally.  BUT there has been a bright spot: I have found the game that I have been questing for my entire life.  So instead of a top-ten list like how everybro is doing, I’m going to tell you all why you should pick up this free to play game RIGHT NOW if you have an Apple device.  There is a fee of $2,99 for an expanded online experience which is COMPLETELY worth it, especially after playing around with the base game.  I present to you…

MUSKET SMOKE!  

MUSKET SMOKE is a competitive, turn/hex-based semi-abstract tactical wargame set during the Age of Pikes and Muskets.  The game is played in matches.  Each player starts by building an army out of five unit types: pikemen–fast melee infantry with an advantage against cavalry, musketeers–who can do more damage than pikemen and have a ranged attack but are much slower, cavalry–who can charge across the battlefield and annihilate other units but has less health, and cannons–who can shoot halfway across the map and cause serious damage, but have low health and are very vulnerable to melee and cavalry.  One unit of each type can be given “confidence points,” which provide a morale and melee damage boost.   Victory goes to the player who captures the enemy’s command post and/or kills or routs up to ten units.

Sounds simple, right?

Battle in all it’s bloody horror…and elegant simplicity!

Well, perhaps the most important part of Musket Smoke is that there is very little pure luck involved.    When units engage in shooting or melee,  damage is not randomly determined, as it is is SO many strategy games, but is always fixed based on a wide variety of factors: unit size (both attacker and defender), attack type (melee, shot, change), morale (three morale hits cause a standard unit to rout), the presence of gore (yes!) and, most critically, whether or not a unit is “melee-locked,” that is, already engaged in melee combat with another unit, allowing for sweet, juicy flank attacks that devastate both men and morale.

Here’s a bit of an explanation:

A match  of Musket Smoke should not be a slugfest: if it is, you’re doing it wrong. Trust me on this one.  I’ve lost far FAR many more matches than I’ve won, and I loved every minute of it!  The game is very much a test of skill, in planning, execution of maneuvers, and manipulation of multiple factors–most importantly your opponent’s mind.  I’m not very good at these things, I’m first to admit.  But I am willing to learn, and the short matches encourage experimentation, as does a very friendly international online community.  Individual turns are asynchronous, meaning you can leave you game and continue with your life and come back when you please with a crazy new way to escape the mess you found yourself in.

The match lobby, waiting for your enemies to finish their battle plans, which are, of course, vastly inferior to yours 😉

But you may be asking yourself, “what makes this all so special?”  After all, you can shoot, flank and charge in Total War games, whose success was built on online battles just as much as in their campaigns.  Hex-based wargames with complex but skill-based battle mechanics have been around for decades.   But what developer Woodie Dovich has done here is to combine the seemingly-diametrically-opposed worlds of online competitive multiplayer and historical turn-based wargaming.  He has made hardcore strategic wargaming truly approachable, competitive and, most importantly, fun!  When you pull off a successful flanking maneuver, or charge, or cannon shot that blasts your enemy’s troops to bits, you feel like a total badass—the second coming of Napoleon–or rather Gustavus Adulphus or Oliver Crowell to be more period-appropriate.

BOOM!  THAT’s gonna hurt!!!

Woodie gets perfectly the sometimes-nebulous concept of “gamefeel,” the visceral sensations that underline and reinforce gameplay.   Gamefeel is more present in other, more-action-oriented genres like platformers and shooters, so taking such an approach to tactical turn-based strategy was a fantastic and unique approach that stand shoulder-to shoulder with it’s hour-to-learn, lifetime-to-master gameplay.  Musket Smoke, then, for its simplistic, rough-around the edges presentation, is more innovative than the VAST majority of games produced this year, Indie or AAA alike.

Needs More Love…

Which is why it’s such a shame that this game, which has been out for over a year now, has received so little attention!  That this amazing piece of work is lost amidst the sea of samey strategy shovelware on the app store is enough to depress anyone.  I only found out about it through the website Pocket Tactics.  It’s expanded release onto iPhones should help boost its popularity.  The touch interface definitely makes Musket Smoke shine.  But expanding onto other platforms, such as the cheaper Android and especially Steam would only help snowpunch promote its games.

Fortunately, there’s a sequel coming out.  And from what I’ve seen on the website, it’s gonna be AWESOME!

And if you’re looking for people to match with, do check out the facebook page.          (FULL DISCLOSURE: Adminned by yours truly)

2014 has been a tough year.  Let’s make sure 2015 kicks ass!  And I’ll see you on the battlefield!

Well, I’ve survived my fourth Christmas both ever and with the Good Doctor’s side of the family in a tiny remote village about three hours north of London, and good drive away from anything or anyone. I’m a city kid at heart so, for me, the English countryside is simultaneously beautiful and totes adorbs, full of mostly sheep and proportionally less people. I also saw with my own eyes that reindeer are, in fact, real (!), and kinda look like cowhorsedonkeys (watch out, manbearpig).

Friendly, perhaps, yet terrifying

But that’s pretty much where the entertainment ends. And when the cuteness dies down, I come to the realization that I do year after year: THIS TOWN IS FUCKIN SMALL. This place is so small that there is a “centre of town,” and it’s 45 minutes away. If the center of their world is that far away, the idea of New York (in their mind, the capital of America) is even farther away, and thusly inaccessible. Am I really shocked that the mentality of a tiny town in which I didn’t see or hear evidence of nearby neighbors isn’t exactly progressive? Nah. But just for fun, let me share with you a few of my favorite small-town moments:

Strike 1: After four continuous years of my unrelenting presence at Christmas, the constant questioning about what us ‘Jews’ do on your fancy materialistic holiday should probably have subsided. The typically amusing answer of “Chinese food and movies” gets a pitiful rather than humorously commiserative response. And for some reason, looking up what Hanukkah is would take too much effort, but I don’t think I can blame them entirely – it’s partly due to the fact that there is no internets in the boonies, and partly because they’ve never figured out how to spell Hanukkah/Chanukah (here’s the secret: no one has or ever will! That’s how we keep the intrigue of an otherwise pretty banal holiday. Suckers.).

See, even the lil Jewish kids look dubious!

Strike 2: While a particularly small-town gentleman was making fun of another woman at the table for not being able to sew and still bringing things home during Christmas for repair, I piped up in support. I mean shit, I can’t sew, and I still bring clothes home to my mother at the ripe age of 28; his response to me: “Aren’t you married, now? Woman of the house, know your place.” After restraining myself from throwing a roasted potato at his similarly shaped head, I merely said, “well my husband cooks so often, I barely have room to fit my tiny feet in front of my rightful place at the stove.” BAM, make ME a sandwich, bitch.

The Good Doctor has it so hard

Ball 1 (hehe): The Good Doctor’s grandmother, who refuses to believe that anything exists beyond the 2-mile radius of her town, complained that she couldn’t understand me when I spoke. Thankfully, someone else told me this, because I can’t understand a damn word that comes out of her mouth. Hey, at least we’re even.

Speaking of balls, I got this badass card for the Good Doctor’s birthmas. Pretty sure I won Christmas. That’s how that works, right?

Strike 3 YOU’RE OUT: For the finale: one of the Good Doctor’s half-brothers (it’s a veritable episode of Downton Abbey on the reg) asked me whether it is politically correct or not to refer to Black people as “colored.” If my facial expression was any clue, he then proceeded to try and explain to me that it was commonplace in his little village, and certainly supported by his grandmother who bears a striking resemblance to Irma Grese (look it up). I know I’m jet-lagged, but are we sure I’m not in Texas?

Yes…quite…

However, in the spirit of the holidays and the approaching new year, it’s time that I give some thanks and stop complaining, even though complaining comes more naturally to me (because Jewish). First and foremost, thank fuck the Good Doctor doesn’t still want to live there. Thanks, NYC, for surrounding me with friends who read the news, continue wasting heaps of money on their education, and have semi-intellectual debates before heading off to the strip club (sorry, Joe). Thanks, Texas, for preparing me to deal with racism through experience, teaching others, and knowing better. And lastly, thanks to this tiny town in wherever the bumblefuck I am for reminding me that I’m a damned lucky bitch to live in NYC. Hm, tell Mr. Potato Head that I think I know my place just fine.

Happy happies of all varieties, dear readers. This is Kitty, signing out.