And you just love it, don’t you? Yeah you do. God how you sicken me. And I bet you’re expecting me to have all sorts of wild tales of adventure from my two weeks worth of missing posts about how great I am and how brilliant all my ideas are, huh? Well, for your information my adventures were all awesome and my ideas were continuously brilliant. I figured out a way to create cold fusion from ham and swiss cheese sandwiches, traveled to Massachusetts twice, forgot how to do the cold fusion thing, took an overcrowded ferry trip across a windy and unforgiving sea, and drank plenty.

Such power…such easily forgotten power…

Yes, there was Thanksgiving and all its edible trimmings in there somewhere (I won the paper turkey contest my sister’s future mother-in-law held! Well, I tied.). My dad did a lot of singing/complaining through various car rides, and I’ve had Merle Haggard’s Mama Tried stuck in my head for about ten days now. Also I did some real work and some of that there writing I actually get paid to do (check out my great/spiteful holiday shopping advice put upon the InterWEBnets2.5 by the fine folks at Task & Purpose!) and played some video games.

At least it don’t have Kevin Spacey.

So if you want more details or were expecting a lengthy tale of wonder and eroticism from me, too bad. I had lots to do the last two weeks and I have lots to do today. In particular, I’m emailing my friend Rob photos from the classic 1975 porn Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS before I go to some veteran’s skating even where I will probably drink beer and giggle at my girlfriend after she injures herself on the ice. Yeah, that’s right, I have a girlfriend. You don’t know her. She goes to a different high school. And she’s a model. So suck it. I’ll have something funny next week. Probably.

If you need something to do in the meantime, may I recommend watching this? No, I may not. It’s horrifying.

Now, I’m off to finish this episode of MST3K (season 8, episode 1 The Revenge of the Creature, notable for the small role by a young Clint Eastwood) and then sing in the shower for a while. And just so it’s stuck in your head too: