Hey internets people folks! Did you know:
- Capri pants kill more people every year than earthworms and Martin van Buren combined.
- While it’s true that the line “Beam me up, Scotty” was never actually said in the original Star Trek series, the line “Helen, get me Mister Wendslydale on line six” was said thrice.
- Tropical fish are nearly 9.6 times as smug as non-tropical fish.
- There are more people alive in Bhutan today than have walked on the surface of the sun.
- The most haunted place in North America is right behind your drawn shower curtain when you get up to pee in the middle of the night.
- A study at a major university proved that people who still defend Kevin Smith movies deserve a swift karate chop to the neck.
- Sex burns the same amount of calories per hour as riding a great sand worm of the desert planet Arrakis.
- Men who wear boxers are twice as likely to be kidnapped by Imelda Marcos.
- Nine out of ten scientists agree that the actress whose name you’re trying to remember is Rachael Leigh Cook.
- The human eye can see more shades of green than there will probably ever be episodes of Gotham.
- If you took all of the world’s remaining Zoroastrians and lined them up across the United States, some of them would be struck by motorcycles.
- Love has got between 72% and 86% to do with it.
- Groucho Marx would beat Adam Sandler in a fight. And 100% of people who just read the previous sentence would love to see that.
- More people died in the Great Fire of London than can properly pronounce the word “lasciviousness” correctly every time.
- A six-pack of domestic lite beer has the same amount of calories as a hardcover copy of Moby Dick.
- Scientists predict that, within twenty years, all computers will be made solely out of freon.
- You’re ten times more likely to survive being stabbed if you have yet to avenge the death of your master.
- Barney-shaped Flintstones chewable vitamins are 50% better for you than the Fred ones.
- Masturbating burns the same amount of calories per hour as playing Halo 3. If you cry when you masturbate, then Halo Reach.
Now, let’s all just wait until some “reputable” news source stumbles across this, does a story, and the world goes apeshit over something stupid. Personally, I look very much forward to the upcoming “lite beer and blended novel diet” craze.
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