Oh hi, Internet. Didn’t see you there.
I was admiring my dashing good looks in the mirror just now when I realized, that 1) I had to write a blog post and 2) I am so good looking.
However, the problem with being Generic Face Good Looking™ is that is it easy to be confused with many people, and this happens often.
Look at this handsome goon holding a piece of chalk like a cigarette.
Now that you have that image for comparison I solemnly swear that none of these people are me, and I will tell you why they are or are not, depending on my level of interest and knowledge, (but mostly interest).
I can tell you that these suggested individuals all came from outside opinions, (with the exception of #4).
In no particular order:
1. Henry Rowengartner
This might be the easiest one for you to disagree with, as you have undoubtedly seen Rookie of the Year (or a movie that came out shortly thereafter). If you have not, then one can only assume that you’ve never had a childhood.
Personally I don’t think he looks anything like me. At the very least our last names are eerily comparable. Also, he’s a righty.
2. Steve Burns
This goddamn man, (I have spoken clearly out of jealous rage) and his show debuted on your television screens on September 8, 1996 along with a blue puppy named fittingly, “Blue.”
Not only does Steve need more hair to be me, but he has such a better job: He dances across his house all day, playing and cleaning up after his 2-dimensionally goddamned dog.
Most of the time Steve Burns spoke to an audience of no-one, befriended his kitchenware, and rarely left his house. I suppose he’s the closest to being me, but he still isn’t.
…And while we’re one the subject I could have really used that damn shirt for Halloween 18 years ago. It would have been the best low-budget/zero-effort costume back then.
Also, relevant at the time.
3. Flynn Rider
My niece Ali bestowed this nickname upon me when she was 5, and stupid.
He looks nothing like me. The hair is wrong. Also, goatee? I call bullshit.
Also, everyone knows that of all the Disney Princes, I am Prince Goddamn Eric.
Flynn Rider might be *her* childhood-equivalent of Prince Eric, but if she is holding Tangled at higher standard than Little Mermaid, then Ali:
Also, a friend sent this to me last April, but it looks like a clear rip-off of the Flynn character, so I’m putting it here anyway:
4. This Dude:
Though it is a commercial for mayo, I’m sold on those socks. They really do look comfortable. I certainly am a scruffy, lazy, dirty-socks kind of guy.
Also, he does what I do when I am stuck and need help:
Okay, Kraft. This is a fair portrayal.
5. This “Actor”
Ross the actor appeared on a show called What Would You Do? (Not the one you’re thinking of — seriously where the fuck are you, Marc Summers?)
He wears hoodies like me, steals lottery tickets like me, but there is a whole wall of liquor to his right — and even though he is on the clock he’s not drinking any of it — which is incredibly unlike me.
If your interest is peaked you can see the full thing below. Just kidding, this movie doesn’t actually link to anything:
This guy looks like me from a distance in shitty-quality video and that’s about it. That thumbnail is all you really need.
Now you may be thinking, What about that Paul fella? Does he have any doppelgängers? If so, who are they?
Spoiler Alert, yes he does, but I’ll only give you two:
1. Sean Devlin (video game, The Saboteur)
2. Mike O’Malley
“Let’s go to Mo.”
That’s it, folks. Welcome to the Weekend.