Apparently the only way I can get Paul to call me back is by posting a shitty blog, so here’s a list of thongs I hate
+ Pedicabs- They’re a bicycles menace, óne step below citibikers. DeBlasio should legislate them out of existence, I’m stead of the poor central park horses. The horses still haven’t figured out how to gouge tourists and harass theater goers, which is the Pedicab business plan.
+ The spelling of “Business”- it makes no sense. That’s why I always refer to any business as “biz”.
+ Brunch- its just breakfast people. Calling it brunch doesn’t make drinking mimosa’s by the pitcher at 10am any more socially acceptable.
+ Brunches that serve items with “Seasonal Fruits”- Are you fucking kidding me trying to pass off a blueberry and raspberry tart as seasonal in September? Are these magic tarts? Get the Fuck out of here.
+ When foreign people laugh- They’re laughing at me, I know it.
+Editors who won’t call me back- Who do you think you are, J. Jonah Jameson? Just because you’re blood is roughly 30% Jameson at this point (in case our readers are wondering the rest of his blood is 40% freedom, 20% repressed Irish feelings and 10% platelets) doesn’t mean you get to BE Jameson.
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I’ll call you back when you bring me those photos of Spider-Man, dammit!