Mundane Superpowers

Whilst wandering around Harlem with the good doctor, I asked the all-important question: if you could have any superpower, what would it be? This sparked a long debate, one that took us about 40 blocks downtown. However, I think we found a practical way to endure the responsibilities that come with great powers by making the superpowers subsume daily life. So, consider this – if you could have any superpower that you wanted, and it could help you commiserate with mundanity, what would it be?

Here are our top ten:

  1. Telekinesis
    I originally liked this choice because I thought – hey, this could be way helpful when the good doctor isn’t home, and I need to reach something off of a high shelf! But then the options compounded. I could also make someone fall out of their chair when they’re being bratty. If someone complains about their food, I could make that food smack them in their own face. I mean, truly, the everyday opportunities are endless.
  2. Invisibility
    This is not a personal favorite because, generally, people are not good girl scouts – everyone wants to be noted and seen for their good deeds. But, what if – just what if – you could spy on your boss during office hours and see them wasting time looking for timeshares after they gave you shit for being inefficient at work? The general gist is that you could potentially catch someone at something they did not want to be caught at, and prove the hypocrisy. It sounds sufficiently satisfying. Not to mention saving $16 at the movies every time you go.
  3. Flight
    This is why superman is awesome. Yes, he was born on another planet and also harbors a great many other random powers from Krypton, but HOLY HELL he can fly! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s just me being too lazy to pay for the subway and getting to work before all of you assholes! Not only that, but the ability to just leave the surface of the earth for a little scoot in the sky would be pretty baller.
  4. ESP
    Endless opportunities, but I feel like the overwhelming stress of having a sixth sense would just make me want to nap. But if it means I get to hang with Patrick Stewart and maybe have a rockin wheelchair, I’m all for it.

    He is just the greatest.

    He is just the greatest.

  5. Telepathy
    I think the initial idea of this is intensely overwhelming. Think Mel Gibson in What Women Want (minus Godwin’s law). Or Jim Carey in Bruce Almighty. But it could clue you in to some very helpful information. Your super is having a bad day because he caught his wife cheating that morning – time to offer him a cold one and ask him about his day so you can get that A/C unit fixed fo’ free.

    With great power comes great responsibility. So many emails...

    With great power comes great responsibility. So many emails…

  6. The ability to eat whatever you want and not gain a pound, or even potentially lose weight
    I would say that this is a women-centric wish, but I know that you men would appreciate this, too. DON’T YOU LIE TO ME, PAUL. I have now chosen invisibility and the ability to read minds, so I know you’re full of shit.
  7. Time Travel
    This could help with everything from regretful actions to verbal diarrhea. Need more time on a work project? Done. Need to replay that poorly played pick-up at the bar? No problem. Want to change how awkward you were in high school? Not sure if this will help you, but by god it’s worth a try!
  8. Teleportation
    I suppose that this requires some machinery, but it would be really cool as its own superpower. Plus, flying is for chumps. Teleportation is the way of the future. Even if it means that you end up ass forwards on the other side.

    Still worth it.

    Still worth it.

  9. Super Strength
    You could help your friend move without breaking a sweat, but still get a free lunch out of it. When that asshole parks way out of the lines again, just scoot his ass on over and make that parking space your own. You might need to work on anger management with this one, as it could get out of hand.

    Reagan Smash

    Reagan Smash

  10. The great evil power
    This one took some discussion. It would have to be something that would render your enemies powerless. Something so dire, it would require those that have harmed you to beg for your forgiveness. I decided that the ultimate form of this superpower would be to have the ability to merely look at someone and BOOM – give them the insta-shits. Or, conversely, to make them want to have sex with you. Think about it. Suggestions welcome.

 

OK, time for the Good Doctor and I to go take care of our sunburns. Hope you all had a lovely weekend. This is Kitty, signing out.

About Kitty

I'm southern, I'm sassy, and I'm opinionated.
This entry was posted in BroCast is Awesome, General Ranting, Happy Stuff, Lists, Nerd Stuff. Bookmark the permalink.

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