Parknado!

Sharknado. But in a park. Get it? I don’t care. Let’s do this.

6:14 – Arrived. Blanket spread, drinking started. Where’s my sandwich?

6:22 – I love looking at Manhattan from Brooklyn. It reminds me how much better my life is because I live in the former. Fuck Brooklyn.

6:32 – Mmm, sandwich.

6:50 – They did not think this through. The movie was supposed to start at six. Not only is the sun still up, but it is setting just to the right of the screen. So looking in the direction of where the movie is supposed to be projected is painful and harmful. It hasn’t started yet but still. Nice one, buttholes.

6:53 – Also, they’re playing godawful dubstep shit over the speakers. Just terrible noises.

6:57 – A young woman making an announcement just pronounced it “Shark-NAH-do.” My…brain.

7:23 – Still nothing. At least we have plenty if fresh fruit. And Cool Whip. The essentials.

7:33 – So the sound is on, but there’s no picture. Nice other one, buttholes.

8:11 – Yep.

8:24 – Yeeeeep.

8:37 – There’s a V-22 that’s circled the area three times already. What the heck? Is that you, Cap’n Chris?

8:47 – A woman is on the microphone giving a lengthy spiel thanking all the people who “made this possible.” Shut the hell up. Sharks! Now!

8:52 – Trailer for Sharknado 2. Wonderful.

8:58 -Fina-fucking-ly!

9:01 – First guy eaten. Now we’re cooking.

9:10 – If only more people from LA could be eaten by sharks, the world would be a better place.

9:17 – Shark in the bar. My worst nightmare.

9:24 – Rain completely shutting down a California highway. At least that part is realistic.

9:27 – Even the second time, still hurts seeing the lovable, old drunk get shwacked.

9:34 – Period joke! Ha!

9:47 – So long, fat hipster. Crunch!

9:57 – Woman sucked out of a skylight. Forgot that part happened. Still wondering how.

10:00 Throw bombs into the tornadoes. Fuck yeah.

10:08 – SHARKCOPTER defeats first sharknado!

10:12 – Electric shark! Double shark!

10:17 – Why is nobody else cheering as loud as our group? Do they hate action, or are they just on the side of the sharks? Fuck Brooklyn.

10:19 – CHAINSAW, MOTHERFUCKER!

10:23 – Fin. (GET IT?!?!?! HAAAAA!)

About Paul

By reading this blog, you legally forfeit your right to cry, eat tofu, or watch movies where people kiss in the rain and sh*t!
This entry was posted in General Ranting. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Parknado!

  1. Kitty says:

    saw Gravity on the Intrepid tonight, and somehow know that your movie experience was better

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