Hangovers last for an entire day. They can even last two days.

Earliest known video of Paul

All of your friends are getting engaged, planning weddings, having kids, and here you are, stuck with a two-day hangover and a washcloth on your forehead.

However, a wedding without an open bar is a wedding that I avoid. GOOD DAY, SIR.

Your metabolism slows down. Causing a host of problems (see: reason 1)

My spirit animal

People, who are younger than you, complain about being old.

You realize that there are a set of people who are currently an age that you have already passed, and they are seemingly useless in every way. And don’t know the right or proper way to do things. Manners, people.

Kitty went to finishing school. She classy as fuck.

Staying in on a Friday night is a reward, not a punishment

My other spirit animal

But, here are the plusses:

You know how to cook. Real meals – entire meals, and sometimes for company.

Oh, this? I MADE IT WITH MY BARE HANDS.

You know better. And you don’t have to give a fuck. Because you know better.

What could possibly go wrong?

You have taste. It has been crafted with time. And since you know what you like, you don’t waste your damn time.

The dude abides, but not if it means compromising himself.

You have real friends that you want to hang with all the time, and you got rid of the assholes, haters, and flakers.

You know yourself, who you are, and that other people can rely on you.

Obviously, you’re Eric.

Well, see you on the other side, kids. Until you get to our level, being the upper half of our twenties and not giving a shit, you’d do well to keep out of our way. This is Kitty, signing out.