Spring Hath Sprung

Happy Spring, BroCast readership! If you didn’t already know, the first day of spring (technically) was Thursday, March 20th. In the wise words of Sterling Archer, “eat a dick, winter.” [He was referring to the jungle, but this applies.] It may not yet feel like spring, but we’ll do our best to hurry it along. To celebrate this much-anticipated season, I have compiled a list of things we will not miss about winter, as well as things to look forward to in the spring. Haha, get it? Spring Forward? …right, I admit it, that was boring.

Why Winter in New York was all things TERRIBLE:

  1. An inordinate amount of snow storms

    Even the Cap'n is sick of winter.

    Even the Cap’n is sick of winter.

  2. The days that we had rain-snow-hail-death mixes, yet no snow days off from work.

    Thanks for not canceling work, ass! I definitely didn't have trouble getting here.

    Thanks for not canceling work, ass! I definitely didn’t have trouble getting here.

  3. Static shock as a result of coats on sweaters on scarves on couches on the rug, all made up of different combinations of materials.

    SCIENCE!

    SCIENCE!

  4. Something about putting on 1,000 items of clothing to then go into air that is so cold it ironically burns the skin off your face makes you a little less willing to…do.
  5. Knowing everyone on the west coast is warmer than you. Because they keep telling you about it.

    Shut up, California!

    Shut up, California! No one cares about you.

BE GONE, WINTER BITCH. It’s time to look ahead and get excited for spring. Sunshiiiiiiiine on my windoowwwww makes me happyyyyy. Yup, that’s a John Denver quote. You’re welcome, Dad.

Now, on to the more uplifting part. Why we’re ready for spring:

1. SPRING HAS SPRUNG. Get with it.

If there's anything I've learned from Dexter's Laboratory, it's that the least amount of work pays off the most. Oh, and a weird German accent will get you nowhere.

If there’s anything I’ve learned from Dexter’s Laboratory, it’s that the least amount of work pays off the most. Oh, and a weird German accent will get you nowhere.

2. Everyone looks cuter. It’s just a good look on people. Spring, by Calvin Klein

OK maybe not everyone...

OK maybe not everyone…

3. Picnics. Walks in sunshine. Any excuse to avoid work because it is BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE.

WHY HAVE I NEVER DONE THIS?!

WHY HAVE I NEVER DONE THIS?!

4. Sex. Not like you couldn’t have sex in winter, but spring is the season for all sexual allegory.5. All of it. Every reason. BYE, WINTER. Time to get my spring on.

Dance. DANCE LIKE THE SPRING SOLSTICE MADE YOU WORK FOR IT.

Dance, Ron. DANCE LIKE THE SPRING SOLSTICE MADE YOU WORK FOR IT.

About Kitty

I'm southern, I'm sassy, and I'm opinionated.
This entry was posted in General Ranting. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Spring Hath Sprung

  1. Paul says:

    Whenever I read or hear you complaining about New York in any way, I just hear a banjo picking “Yellow Rose of Texas” in my head.

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