Seriously, what the hell?

Ukraine? Come on.

Why the crap are there still Kardashians on TV? Not my TV, of course, but they’re on somebody’s TV.

How in the bejesus does Eric keep winning at Words With Friends?

This guy. I mean, what the ballsack?

Why does Netflix have boatloads of godawful shows in their entirety, but only fourteen episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000? That’s only 7.1065989477157% of that show!

Where the shit is Bear Grylls?

What the fuck happened to the History Channel?

What? No. Knock it off.

Did you ever realize that, like, half of the shit that happened on The Office was super depressing?

Why is it still so goddamn cold outside?

Where’s my friggin’ bourbon?

Why didn’t those asshole make the Xbox One backwards compatible? They don’t even have any games that anyone gives a rats ass about for it yet.

I don’t care.

What the fuck, carbohydrates?

How dippity-doo-dah-dare you, Michael Bay?

Do we really need Ali G back again? I sure as balls don’t.

Why, Venezuela? Huh? Twenty dead, and two of them beauty queens? Such a kick in the nuts.

Uncool, Venezuela. So uncool.

No Oscar for Chiwetel Ejiofor? Bullshit on that.

When is the VA going to finally get unfucked?

Will the Walking Dead ever do another dadgum episode where something at all entertaining actually happens?

At least they’re done with all that stupid farming malarkey.

Seriously, what the fuck’s going on with the Ukraine?

So many angry questions, but only one thing that can truly make me happy:

Ah, that’s better.