First, let’s take a moment and applaud Paul’s Fan Fiction. If you haven’t had your share of Fan-Fiction Friday, (look at me say that like that is a thing) go over here and read it, stupid.
A little over a week ago I laid back on my couch and took the time – actually paid attention – actually struggled– to watch the State of the Union.
You don’t need highlights.
I watched Obama exit this giant hall while two anchors prattled on and I don’t know why I stuck around and watched. It was because of this (call it) boredom that I noticed this dude, all smiles…
He gets his handshake, lucky guy. He strolls away, Still So Smiley.
Obama walks for another few minutes. I probably was doing Words with Friends, or on my laptop and just happen to glance back when…
- Wait a minute.
I know that face. He’s like on the brink of cracking a smi…
Holy shit That guy is So Smiley.
I checked. The tie was the same, the disc button on his jacket’s left side — the goddamn smile — This guy went and doubled-dipped. It blew my mind. I loved it, and I wanted to share it with the world, but with my TiVo threatening to kick me back into real time my photography skills were incredible.
Here, let’s fix that and make it better:
So why did I care? What was the big deal?
I wanted to know what the story was; did he forget to tell the president something originally? Did he miss a photo opp? Was he pressing Obama for something? Or did the man just want to go back for another goddamned handshake? If you think about it an exiting handshake takes less than a second. Hypothetically speaking, what are the odds that the President has a photographic memory, and would remember having shook your hand out of dozens?
What if there is an underground competition in the House of Representatives where your status is based on how many handshakes you get with people of high rank?
It would be like bitcoins, but better, and more sustainable.
Back to the double dipper — What if this guy just wanted to brag later around the chambers, spouting off stuff about how he shook hands with the President not once, but twice?
Despite my failed attempts at humiliating this man I have long given up. I’m done trying to make it a thing. The iron is no longer hot. It is far too late for that already. This isn’t on the Marco Rubio level. Not even close.
Biden’s antics were far more giffable and fun. Until some next-gen facial recognition app comes out for the iPhone I’m afraid I will not know who So Smiley is and what his deal was. Secret handshake badass? You never know.
And if you do know, eh…don’t spoil the fun.