MONDAY

•  “Seriously what the hell is eyebrow threading?”

•  “I’m going for a run.  I’m doing this.  I need to do this.  As soon as I get home.”

•  “I’m running.  And holding my phone.  This cannot possibly end well.”

•  “The guy I just passed has either been running for a long time on this path, or is a better pacer than me.”

•  “The guy that just passed me either just started running this path only recently, or he’s got more energy than me.”

•  “What makes him think I’m not on my 3rd lap or something?  Holy shit what if he’s on his 3rd lap?

•  “Phone survived = mini victory.”

•  “Bieber’s going to jail?  No way.  It will never stick.”

TUESDAY

•  “JESUS CHRIST my legs.”

•  “jesus christ MY LEGS.”

WEDNESDAY

•  “I’m late I’m late I’mlateImlateImlate.”

•  “The only acceptable time the public is willing to cram in a space is when it is a form of transit, moving either vertically or horizontally.  You will never find people willingly cramming themselves into a bus shelter, unless it is utterly ridiculous outside.”

•  Re: Bieber?  “Told you so.”

•  “Five years ago Sully crashed his plane into the Hudson?  Jesus, that was five years ago?”

•  “Gym.  Gym.  Go to gym.”

•  “Go to gym later.”

•  “Could have probably done better at the gym.”

•  “I hate the gym.”

•  “Why is it always Quinnipiac that does the studies that make everyone miserable?  ‘Spin classes may not be working, memory loss from drinking’…shut up Quinnipiac.”

THURSDAY

• “Do people really like cruises?  Like, really?  I understand the thought of having a hotel that travels with you, but does that really justify it?  A cruise ship should be nothing more than an extension of land, a detachable hotel.  The hotel should never be the fun part of the vacation, it’s just the place where you go to bed, or to get drunk if it’s raining.”

•  “Is it better to say that someone’s laugh is infectious or contagious?  Does infectious have a negative connotation to it?  Which one is more accepted?”

• “It’s cancelled, not canceled.  But it’s traveled, not travelled.”

•  “Wake me up when money becomes obsolete.”

•  “I’ve had Grand Theft Auto 5 for almost two weeks and still have not played it.  What.  The. Hell?”

•  “Seriously, remind me to remind myself that I need to go to the goddamn store.”

•  “Okay, tomorrow.  Tomorrow I’m going to the goddamn store.”

•  “Raymond Loewy.  Why can’t I ever remember his goddamn name?”

•  “New Ringtone!”

FRIDAY

•  “Bam!  Early article, now I can take this thing o