Excerpts From Great Speeches (As Signed by Thamsanqa Jantjie)

And now, for some contributions from a man who needs no introduction, because he’d probably totally fuck it up.

“To Be or Not to Be” from Shakespeare’s Hamlet

Who, me? Oh, not who me. That is Sebastián. Weather? Tits noble, or undermine? To sulfur rieslings and agros of gout rages four tunes. Oar flake harms Aegean Sea of baubles end, buy Alpo, sing anthem. Tie-dye, toes leap, Thomas Moore.

Ah! Lass, pour your ick.

“Ah! Lass, pour your ick.”

John F. Kennedy’s Inaugural Address

And sew, life hello! Am hairy cans, ask gnaw twat York cunt tree Khan due four Jew; as quart Jews Khan due four your cunt tree.

Itch been eyin' burr liner.

“Itch been eyin’ burr liner.”

Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream”

Aye, half ad ream. That, my four lit elk illed wren, will Monday live in any Sean. Where they will gnawed, be judged, buy the collar of Erskine but buy the continent of their char actor. Aye, half ad ream two day!

Thank God, all my tee-pee, car Fiat last!

“Thank God, all my tee-pee, car Fiat last!”

Winston Churchill’s “We Shall Fight on the Beaches”

Wish hell go on two, three bends. We shall bite in pants, we shall bite on theses, endocrines. We shall bite width growing corn defense and glow wing strengthen the heir. We shall deafen our island, but never the crust. Maybe. We shall bite on the bee chess, we shall bite on the handling rounds, we shall bite in W.C Fields and in three sheets, we shall bite in the bills; we shall, nay, verses render.

"...Manuel still say: This wasp hair finesse flour."

“…Manuel still say: This wasp hair finesse flour.”

Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s First Inaugural Address

Sew, fur stuff all, let me ass hurt my Furby leaf hat. The ornery thing we have to hear is hear itself. Name, lesson, reasoning, unjust tea fried terror. Witch paralyzes knee, did a fort’s tucan vert retreat in toad pants.

"Thee sender seventh, fine, clean, portly wine: undulate witch will live in infancy."

“Thee sender seventh, fine, clean, portly wine: undulate witch will live in infancy.”

Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address

For goal points and purple years ago, our stevedores brought fifth while incontinent a new nation conceived while drunk in a sweaty, musky intertwining of limbs on the second pool table from the back of the bar, and desiccated to the proportions of a beagle. Now wee our engorged in a grape sinful wart, testing weather that nipple, or any nipple so conceived on that pool table, can that lung endear. We are melts on a great bumblebee of that wart. We half crumbs to desiccate a W.C. Fields as a vinyl breasted face for toes who hear glaive their wives that that nation might eat a large sandwich.

"Outhouse de-vine deadpan cot stand."

“Outhouse de-vine deadpan cot stand.”

Jesus Christ’s Sermon on the Mount

“Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!”

Amen.

Amen.

About Paul

By reading this blog, you legally forfeit your right to cry, eat tofu, or watch movies where people kiss in the rain and sh*t!
This entry was posted in Current Events, Famous People, Historicalities, Lists, O Brave New World..., Quotables. Bookmark the permalink.

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