The Pretentious Corner: The Greatest Living American & Other Great Things

Inspirational Lubricant Du Jour: Heady Topper. Heady Topper! HEADY. TOPPER.

People: I’ve been spending the last two weeks recovering from the end of Breaking Bad. Apologies for the lack of post last week. I’m sure J. Jonah Mooney will deride me accordingly. Anyway: I’ve returned this week to share with you a series of things that are awesome. Mooney has seen fit to give me a platform so fuck that guy if he doesn’t like what shows up. Also, judging from my last post, Tommy Moon appears to hate television which makes perfect sense. Someday he’ll understand them movin’ pitchers. Don’t you worry.

Without further ado, here are several things that are awesome:

Heady Topper, aka the rarest and most delicious beer in the United States. I had my first can of it this evening and, unlike that hooker Paul bought in Amsterdam once, it really is everything it’s cracked up to be. Holy Grail of Craft Beers.

Paul and I understand the term “Heady Topper” very differently.

This video, in which puppets relate Joseph Campbell’s theory of the “Monomyth” and the idea of The Hero’s Journey:

“Sah-roo-man. He’s a real piece ‘a shit.”

And finally, this throw from The Greatest Living American to some guy named Kenbrell, which secured a last-second victory for my Patriots over the New Orleans Saints. That’s an Top-5 All-time Brady throw. What a man. And it’s all the more sweet because every New York professional sports team is most terrible right now, so I’ll be gloating ’til the cows come home. Because fuck Eli Manning and his mouth-breathing monosyllables.

“Kenbrell” is creeping up the first-born-son name list. Like gangbusters.

And yes, for those of your paying attention to any of this shit, I recognize that my Red Sox are currently losing badly to the Tigers in the ALCS. But at least it’s not the Yankees. ‘Cause the Yankees are horrible. Like, really horrible. Also they pay actual real paper money to this guy:

“You come here often?”

And will continue to do so for the next FOUR YEARS.

Go Sox. Go Pats. Go Heady Topper.

Brobustly Yours,

P.D. Mongtomery

Addendum: AND YOU THOUGHT WE WERE DONE!

GET IN.

 

Boston, you’re my home.

About P.D. Montgomery

P.D. Montgomery writes a weekly column for BroCast News on all things pretentious. His interests include tweed, wool ties and Basil Hayden's - which is better than whatever bourbon you like.
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One Response to The Pretentious Corner: The Greatest Living American & Other Great Things

  1. Paul says:

    Hey, remember when Curt “Bloody Sock” Schilling defrauded the State of Rhode Island of $75 million? Oh no, of course you don’t, because you’re a New England sports fan. So fuck you.

    PS: Aaron Hernandez.
    PPS: Taco Bowl.

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