Who the fuck stole my chair? Was it one of the few coworkers that don’t annoy me as part of a humorous office prank? Because that’s okay. If it’s some assholes in one of the conference rooms, I want them beaten with a laptop.
When will the weather stop sucking? It’s gross outside. Enough.
Are skinny jeans still cool? Why?
Where did Emilio Estevez go?
Will I have enough clean underpants for my vacation in Australia on Monday, or should I do another load of laundry? Can I do laundry there? Do they have laundry in Australia?
Will there ever be a good live-action GI Joe movie?
If there is a just and kind God, why would he/she/it make carbohydrates so terrible yet delicious?
Did my friend Rob buy a wife in Saudi Arabia?
Is Hank going to die? He fucking better not. If Hank dies, I will never forgive a single person that nagged me and nagged me to watch Breaking Bad until I finally gave in until the day I die. Yes, you, Eric!
When will maintenance move this broken printer off my desk? Or bring me more of them so I can build a fort? Fort A-print-che?
Is anybody surprised that Sydney Leathers is going into porn?
Do you think Sydney Leathers would have sex with me? Would I want her to?
Why did double-breasted suits go out of style? They’s so damn dapper.
What the hell is on the bottom of my sandal?
When is the next Bioshock: Infinite DLC coming out? Hmm? When, Ken Levine? Huh? WHEN? YOU TELL ME RIGHT GODDAMN NOW! Ah, I’ll just play through the regular game again. Bring them the girl, and wipe away the debt.
Does anyone else think Syrian President Bashar al-Assad looks like the other white guy from Half-Baked?
Can we be done with vampires for a while?
Which is more surprising: that a woman pushed her new husband off a cliff, or that more people don’t do that?
Why do they still make pants with buttons instead of zippers? What am I, Amish? Amish people don’t buy clothes at the Gap, you dipshits!
Do push-up bras count as lies? I mean, they’re awesome and all, but my questions still stands.
What’s better, Thai food or Mexican food?
If racism ends, will racist jokes be okay? Or will they just no longer exist?
What the fuck is wrong with Dennis Rodman?
What’s going to happen to Tim Tebow? Should I care?
Why does it take so long to get kittens off the subway tracks?
How many more times will Futurama get cancelled?
How do you feel about Ben Affleck as Batman? Because I feel pretty “meh,” but some people are just totally crapping their underpants on this thing.
Do you think Huma Abedin would have sex with me to get back at her husband? Because I know for sure I would do that.
Would you rather fall in love with someone with a hot face but they defecate out of their mouth or someone with a body that looks perfect but is actually made of chewed bubble gum?
I found out who took my chair. It’s cool. Next time, death by laptop. The End.