This blog is, ostensibly, a humor blog about politics. It has come to my attention that my blogs are rarely humorous, and frequently don’t even come CLOSE to touching on politics. In an effort to remedy that here is a selection of delightful NYC Election based jokes to share at your next cocktail party.
NYC Mayoral Candidate John Liu walks into the Doctor’s office complaining about having “Erection Difficulties”. He walks out with $16,000 and 25 dummy donors.
How many Republican nominees for Mayor does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but where do you find them and how do you fit them in the bulb?
Democratic Mayoral hopeful Anthony Weiner’s Cell phone bill came in today. He paid $79.99 for unlimited talk time and a New York City Mayorship for texting.
Current New York City Mayor Mikey Bloomberg and New York City Comptroller candidate Eliot Spitzer are at a conference discussing the problems of sex workers in New York. Upon learning the Prostitutes primarily reside outside of Manhattan Mayor Bloomberg says “Fuck ’em” Former Governor Spitzer says “Do you think we’ll have time?”
Sal Albanese who?
Democratic hopefuls Bill Deblasio and Pastor Erick Selgado decide to go to dinner at Rodeo in midtown
When they get there, they see a crowd gathered around a mechanical bull. The sign above the bull promises a free steak dinner to anyone who can stay on for over a minute. So the candidates decide to give it a try.
Deblasio steps up, and gets on the bull. Almost immediately, the bull starts bucking, and the good padre is thrown inside of fifteen seconds.
Erick Selgado takes his turn on the bull, and he outrides even the most veteran rodeo cowboys in the place. He doesn’t just stay on for 60 seconds, he rides that bull for a full five minutes. By the time the operator shuts down the bull, the whole place is cheering. Selgado steps down, and a waitress seats the priests and brings Selgado his free steak dinner.
As they’re eating, Deblasio can’t help himself. His curiosity gets the better of him. “Say, Selgado, how’d you stay on that bull for so long? I didn’t know you could ride like that.”
Selgado answers between bites of his steak: “Back at my first parish, one of my altar boys was epileptic.”
A white knee hits a black knee, and a third knee says “Hey, you can’t do that, that’s a fellow knee!” John Catsimatidis and Ray Kelly see everything and frisk the black knee.
Thanks folks, I’ll be here all week.