The Pretentious Corner: The Breaking Bad Sort-Of-Live Blog – S05E10 – “Buried”

Inspirational Lubricant Du Jour: Founders Centennial IPA

Alright, clowns. It’s time for Round 2 of my time-wasting effort to make sure that I actually post something on Sundays. Unlike my former wombmate (!), I shoot for ways to circumvent dereliction of my duty without actually seeming to put forth effort. I also shoot for ways to use the words “circumvent” and “dereliction.”

When we last left our heroes, Hank and Walt had surprisingly (but really unsurprisingly) already confronted each other. Gilligan has professed a lightning-fast pace for these episodes so let’s see what he has in store for Part Deux.

Hank has either had a major epiphany or a major e-poop-phany. (Wait for it.)

FYI: I may be slightly distracted during this sort-of-live blog because Ryan Dempster just plunked A-Roid square in the back and it was the most awesome.

Don’t worry. I’ll tread lightly. (Zing!)

9.00 – Old man! Leee Powers would love this truck.

9:02 – Where were “Benjamins” on the list of God’s plagues meant to punish and strike fear, I wonder? Way better than locusts, if less tasty.

9:05 – Yellow car! It’s no yellow crayon, but I appreciate that Vince gets the power inherent in the hue. Or something.

9:06 – Hank’s limp also makes for an effectively menacing thug lean. Bonus.

9:07 – THE CALL IS COMING FROM OUTSIDE THE HOUSE.

9:08 – I’m predicting that Skyler full-on defends Walt and tries to intimidate Hank.

9:14 – I like how Hank’s obsessiveness is still his defining quality. Sedimentary rocks, murderous drug cartel bastards, high school chemistry teachers. Wilst it eventually betray him, one asks oneself? Also, doesn’t Skyler get implicated for harboring all this info?

9:15 – Good storytellers love diners. LOVE ’em.

9:16 – Okay so I was sort of not really right. Did she retreat out of fear, loathing… Las Vegas?

*Brief interlude just to let you all know that this is my penultimate Sunday night without having to work on Monday. There’s only one more! Then I have to go back to work for like… 10 months. IN A ROW. Ew. Jobs are the worst.*

9:19 – I’m starting to wonder how many people are gonna survive in the end. I feel like Walt’s a goner, Saul’s a goner and either Skyler or Hank. I think Jesse lives though. Weirdly, Jesse’s death would bother me the most. #nobitch

9:20 – YES! Yes. “I gotta do it, man.” Too bad he’s gonna get silverfish all up in his head wrinkles.

9:22 – “Sending him on a trip to Belize” – Saul never learned euphemisms, but apparently did learn French. You’d think the former was more often taught.

9:23 – Every time a door opens on this show I think someone is getting blasted with a shotgun immediately. Has that even happened on this show? Why do I think that?

9:25 – I still think the best parts of this show happened in the lab. Maybe I’m forgetting some things but there’s something about that particular dynamic – characters, location, morality – that always seemed so perfect. So much potential and so much possibility.

9:27 – I really hope Holly doesn’t die. I’m thinking a Rabbit, Run kind of scenario. Which was horrifying.

9:28 – They’re in the ricin room, aren’t they?

9:29 – Marie wearing a wire? I wouldn’t put it past Detective Obsessive Dump Epiphany CueBall.

9:30 – Baby drop?

9:31 – Apparently I’m into asking myself questions now. More beer?

I’d bet anything Vince Gilligan has read this. You should read it too, provided you like really compelling stories, flawed main characters and horrifying turns of events. #toldyouhe’sreadit

9:36 – So “Buried” clearly refers to Walt’s money in the desert. But I’m holding out hope for a “Box Cutter” like twist on the title. Have I mentioned that titles are often my favorite parts of things? At least things that get titled, anyway. I prefer the titles to the things which are titled.

9:38 – Obligatory question for Paul – how hard would it be/long would it take to dig a hole that deep by oneself? Is that something mere mortals like WW can do? Or does it take a big strong man with knowledge of topsoil such as yourself?

9:39 – A million bucks says Walt forgets these coordinates at some point.

9:39 – Or not.

9:39 – We better not have a dumbass 4-8-15-16-23-42 situation on our hands. Also I still remember those numbers by heart. Fuck you, LOST.

9:40 – You’d think bad-ass Heisenberg would have come up with an upgrade in undergarments. Couldn’t they have thrown some in with his badass new pimpmobile? “Free boxer briefs with every purchase!”

9:41 – I jest, of course. Walt’s tighty-whities are as iconic as the dumbass Heisenberg hat.

9:42 – Not sure how I feel about Walt’s cancer as a catalyst for these last episodes. Feels a little cheap. Still, a highly compelling narrative device.

9:43 – On the floor of his bathroom, in a daze, Walt is perhaps no longer in the Empire Business?

(Middlebrooks BOMB! Fuck the Yankees, man. Hate those pin stripey shit heads. I wonder if Tommy Moon will confess to being happy to seeing A-Rod get plunked, after all of his alleged vitriol. Can’t have it both ways, fella. Either you’re happy to see him get hit or you’re defending Yankee uniform through and through.)

9:47 – Were those mismatched Louboutins? I mean, they were DEFINITELY Louboutins, but if they were mismatched that’s a great little nod to the earlier episode. My finacee would be so proud of this paragraph.

9:48 – Interesting that they’ve been using Todd. Walt would be pissed that someone is cooking his product.

9:49 – Oh, Lydia. It’s Todd! I’d recognize that sure-to-never-get-any-deeper voice anywhere.

9:50 – It’s okay, guys. Landry has experience being a murderer. He’s just upped his game.

9:56 – Haha. “LoneWolf McQuaid.” Marie’s been sipping my nickname Kool-Aid.

9:58 – Hadn’t considered much the way this must be emasculating Hank. After all of the physical emasculation he’s gone through, this must feel like necessary redemption and assertion of dudeness. Especially for someone as Alpha as Hank.

10:00 – Jesse gon’ flip?

10:01 – Aw, man! Das it?

Oh, well. Felt like one of those GoT episodes where they were building things and everything seemed a bit inconsequential until #ohmyGodRedWedding. I’m sure we’ve got a few of those moments coming.

Until next week, MethHeads!

P.D. Mongtomery

About P.D. Montgomery

P.D. Montgomery writes a weekly column for BroCast News on all things pretentious. His interests include tweed, wool ties and Basil Hayden's - which is better than whatever bourbon you like.
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2 Responses to The Pretentious Corner: The Breaking Bad Sort-Of-Live Blog – S05E10 – “Buried”

  1. Paul says:

    I know I’ve dug my share of hooker-sized holes in the desert in my time, and I think Walt’s accomplishment is doable.

    • P.D. Montgomery says:

      That comment should inspire a Mythbusters-style TV program where Paul aims to prove right or wrong that most horrible things that have ever happened on screen. Scarface: can you sniff a mountain of coke and live? Paul will find out! Commando: is it really possible to kill all those people like Ahnold? Paul volunteers to find out! It would be like a combination between Man vs. Wild, Mythbusters and… something horribly amoral. Each week, you could take on one horrifying/immoral/evil happening from a different film or TV show and prove to us whether or not it’s actually possible. Do I smell spin-off?

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