Inspirational Lubricant Du Jour: Russell’s Reserve Small Batch 10-Year

Alright, men. It’s a big day in the Bro-World. Bro’s everywhere are preparing themselves for the beginning of the end with FX’s all-time great show Breaking Bad. My esteemed colleague Eric touched on the series earlier this week, but lest we leave the entirety of the BroCast coverage of this monumental important event up to such a lug, I’ll be here once a week for the next eight weeks to shepherd you through the pain. Because, as Vince Gilligan has made eminently clear… there will be mostly pain.

“Silly Hats Only.”

Moreover, I’ve told Paul that weekly coverage of Breaking Bad is very likely to drive more coverage to our site by accident. I mean, we should get more clicks from accidental Google searches for BB than we have have intentional clicks, ever. And finally, watching Breaking Bad is just about the only thing I can promise I’ll do every Sunday for the next eight weeks apart from watch football, so if I’m to keep up this hilarious blog-posting endeavor, I had jolly well better make it contingent upon something I’m already doing.

Thus, I present to you the Breaking Bad Sort-of-Live Blog, in which I shall endeavor to share with the voracious reading public my thoughts about what’s happening on the weekly episode of BB. It’ s a sort-of-live blog because, let’s be honest, I’m probably going to mostly provide my thoughts after the fact. While I’m watching, I’ll mostly be watching. But as a compensatory measure, I promise to make my thoughts booze-fueled each and every week.

I won’t bother to recap what’s happened to date. If you’re reading this, you know the score. DEA agent Hank Schraeder has been dropping the world’s most epic deuce for nearly 11 months now and I’m not about to get in the way of that. And if you don’t know what’s up, might I refer you to Eric’s remarks on the subject of your not watching Breaking Bad: namely, fuck you.

Let’s go.

9:01 – I was really hoping it would start with Hank wiping. D’oh.

9:02 – Whoa! Right to future Walt. Sheeat. Vince loves flash fowards.

9:04 – Oh man. That fucking ricin. Chekov and WW would have been best pals.

9:05 – “Hello, Carol.” I think I want Walt’s glasses. I’ve been in the market. This teaser makes it seem like everything about Walt is out in the open now. It would be very Gilligan-ey to make this the new normal without explaining much. I can’t wait to see who’s on the other end of the massive firearm. Speaking of which, Mooney, can we get the full specs on the trunk gun? What is it and what are its primary uses?

9:09 – Or not.

9:11 – Holly’s hoodie. Best ever or BEST EVER?

9:16 – Walt’s addiction to expansion extends even into his money laundering enterprises. He’s in the Empire business, folks. Also, Lydia.

9:19 – I’m trying to decide who Paul would root for in a Skyler-Lydia mud wrestling match. He’d be all over Lydia’s palpable, knife-sliceable crazy – but he’s never been able to pass up a leggy blonde. Mr. Mooney?

9:19 – Remember that time Leee Powers tried to do a live blog of his day? So far I’m crushing him.

9:24 – I hope those boxes are full of igneous rocks.

9:26 – I like the dual-purpose nature of this montage; it both reminds us of everything that’s happened to date and shows us Hank putting it together.

9:27 – More Badger please. Doesn’t it feel like this scene could have been in S1? The more things change.

9:28 – Don’t think the way that this Badger Star Trek spiel allows himto work in the name “Chekov” is lost on Gilligan… practically a big fucking wink.

9:33 – I love Saul’s repeated use of “tout de suite”. I do not know why. Increases sleaziness by a factor of 3.

9:35 – Ugh. This “Talking Bad” thing is every bit as dumb as the “Talking Dead” feature. How many production meetings did it take AMC to come up with the hashtag #likewhiteonricin? It doesn’t feel like AMC should get to weigh in on plot points. Creates an expectation.

9:40 – Feels like there’s another connotation of “Blood Money” coming before this episode is over. #deadfreight

9:41 – Walt’s unshakeable ability to do exactly what he says here is chilling. “The past is the past.” He’s Caesar-like in the way his off switch works. Him talking about Jesse’s darkness is somehow both wildly hypocritical and quite sweet. I think he really cares for Jesse, deep down. And his “I did not kill Mike” is delivered just like he’s a high school chemistry teacher explaining hybridization. “The electron just cannot jump that far. It’s NOT true. It’s JUST. NOT.”

9:46 – It’s time for some ricin-death odds while Walt pukes. I’d lay them out this way:

Hank: 4-1

Skyler: 10-1

Baby Holly (accidentally): 12-1

Walt himself: 20-1

Walt, Jr: 25-1

Jesse: 30-1

I just don’t see it happening with Jesse. There’s some real potential for hoisted-by-his-own-petard for Walt. Hank is the obvious choice giving the pending showdown. Skyler would probably be a mercy. Flynn or Holly would be just plain tragic. Which Vince loves.

9:50 – Tracker. Whoops. Love that Walt is in his underwear here. Takes me back.

9:55 – I really hope Jesse gives this guy $5 million.

9:56 – #makeitrain

9:57 – Oh, shit.

9:58 – Yellow remote control car in the background.

9:59 – Bald man face-off!

10:01 – Underrated scraggly facial hair.

10:03 – “Tread lightly.” Such a great ending line. Perfectly innocuous and threatening all at once.

Look at that! One week, one essentially live blog down. #thanksbourbon

In parting: “Low Winter Sun” seems like an unnecessarily complex name for a TV show.

Until next week!

P.D. Montgomery