Have you heard that New York City is experiencing a heat wave?  Don’t you watch the news?  It’s too hot to sit near my computer.  It’s too hot to move my fingers around the keyboard, but here I am typing.  Send me the prizes.

I need a segue here.  Another hot topic…  Also heating up this week…  Something else making us really uncomfortable…

Must be New York City Comptroller candidate Eliot Spitzer!

I knew that the former NYC governor was calling it a comeback, but I didn’t know it could get even stupider than that.

First, for the civics-challenged among me, what in the Wiki is a Comptroller?

“In American Government, the Comptroller is effectively the Chief Financial Officer of a public body.” -Oscar Wilde

Super.

Spitzer is running against Scott Stringer, John Burnett, and Libertarian candidate Kristin Davis, also known as the “Manhattan Madam” who provided him with prostitutes while he was governor.

What in the fuck?

It’s true.  Of course, this woman isn’t a contender.  She sold sex, she was jailed (Spitzer was never charged), she’s running on a platform of legalizing marijuana, she’s a libertarian, the list goes on.  Part of me applauds her effort to heckle Spitzer as he tries to win back public support.  But, really, this is further evidence that our politicians run a circus and we are its patrons.

“Sword swallowers, amirite?”

I have a lot of wild ideas.  I, too, think marijuana should be legalized.  I think prostitution should be legalized.  I think our obsession with the (consensual) sex lives of public officials is a huge distraction from real problems.

Elmo says more than 20% of American children live in poverty!  You dicks.

I do, however, believe public officials should be trustworthy and law-abiding.  Eliot Spitzer is neither, but he’s currently favored to win this race for a made-up-sounding but really real public office.

We could take this opportunity to discuss the anatomy of a political comeback or we could stay sane and sum it up with the too-hot-for-this-shit version:

Are you a woman? THEN NO.

Are you a color other than white? THEN NO.

Was your sex scandal of the homosexual variety because NO.

Phew.  Who’s sweaty?  Happy weekend, everybody.