First off, Happy Birthday America!  Hope it was a good one!

Second, I’m off work today, and I’m going to make the most out of this time…so I’m putting a lot of thought into this today, because I have nothing better to do.

That was totally sarcasm that did not sound like sarcasm.  For the record it was sarcasm.

This MUTOD will be brief, mainly because I have to clear out a room full of Clickers.

Goddamn Clickers

Moving on.

Spoiler alert:  Ginny Weasley marries Harry Potter at the end of the last book.

I don’t care if you are in an uproar over this.  Worse spoilers have been…spoiled.

The movies have been out and done for three years.  The books have been out for more than that.  The grace period is over.  It’s not Game of Thrones, where it’s still being made into a show.  If you haven’t read it by now chances are you’re not going to read it tomorrow.  Or next week.  If you don’t know who Keyser Soze is, or if “it’s a cookbook” then you will probably never see those movies.  And for that you’ve earned my pity.

In case you didn’t feel old yet, this book came out before Obama was in office.

I’ve read a good number of books in my time, but when it comes to a series, be it books or movies, or tv shows when I binge I usually tend to forget a lot of details.  It’s reading/watching just to get through it.  I don’t remember the last two Harry Potter books for this reason.  The first book was really popular around 8th grade in middle school.  Everyone was reading them…except yours truly.  It took me a full 4+ years from then to ever start a Potter book.  I came late to the party, so I missed all the hype.

This is exactly what is happening with me and The Wire right now, but I digress.

But the one thing I do remember about the last few Potter books was the way that everything was wrapped up in a neat little bow:  Everyone was married and happy, and sending their kids off to Hogwarts.  Just…awww(vomit).

Ginny Weasley is the sister of Ronald Weasley, (duh, you know this).  She is always there for Harry when things don’t work out with other women.  Seriously.  She’s like that one bang buddy that you call when no one else is around.  Things don’t pan out with Cho Chang, and Ginny is there.  Seriously, it’s like Harry has settled, which is sad considering that he’s all “The Chosen One” and such.

So why do I hate Ginny Weasley?  Probably for the same reason that I hate Miley Cyrus.  Miley Cyrus is fucking crazy.

Oh no.  Just, no…

But Miley Cyrus was is a role model.  There are groups of girls who watched her growing up, and still look up to her.  They have no idea how far off the reservation she has gone.  And have I mentioned she’s fucking crazy?

Harry Potter, to many, was the same thing.  People grew up with these books and learned these lessons.  As far as literary heroes go Harry, Hermonie, and Ron were all role models for kids alike.

And then J.K. Rowling adds an Epilogue taking place 19 years later in which Harry has married Ginny Weasley and they have three fucking children.

Her…?

In 20 years they have three kids, which to me implies that Harry Potter never banged or made out with anyone else except Ginny.  Come on man, your last physical experience with women was making out in owl shit.

So here’s the message the book dispensed:  “Settle.  Your first love will be your only.”

You know how many whiny children people have issues with their first girlfriends “crushing” them or “ripping their hearts out”?  Please, I dare you, look at your Facebook feed, or go into any random DevianArt page.  It’s there.  It’s ridiculous.  It comes in the form of poetry, images, stories: People compiling their sadness and drama into one big ball.

Pictured: The Internet.

It’s amazing how much sappy shit is on there, and how much of it comes from these people who have no idea that if you never know anything else, then you have nothing to compare it to.  You have no idea if there is anyone better (or worse) out there.

There’s a reason why the phrase “expanding your palate” exists.

I understand Rowling’s need to appeal to her fans and give them closure, but at the time that I read the book I didn’t need it.  I still don’t.

Harry Potter could have gone on and married someone whom we had never heard of, and everyone would have been okay with it.  All Rowling would have to do was expy the hell out of how awesome she is.

In the end Harry Potter was just The Boy Who Settled.