This will be a quick post, as I’m off to go see Iron Man 3. I hear Pepper Potts dies in this one [SPOILER ALERT].
Sometimes I walk down the street and I think I’m surrounded by psychopaths, then I realize I’m in Murray Hill and I KNOW I’m surrounded by a bunch of little Patrick Batemans. So for all you Bro’s trying to pass as normal, here is a list of things to avoid
Wearing Sneakers With Your Suit:
Not only do you look like a homeless guy who borrowed this suit for an interview at mcdonalds (are they hiring? I need steady work) but you look like an unfashionable homeless man. Robert Downey Jr. might be able to pull it off but I might just have RDJ on the brain.
Wearing a Watch on Your Right Wrist:
This one actually has a purpose. On your typical watch the “crown” or “Time changer knob thing” is on the right side of the watch. Now imagine trying to set the time on your right handed crown with your left hand while it’s still on your wrist. It just doesn’t work. Now they do have left handed watches, but eww lefties. And dn’t even get me started on digital watches. Did you get that out of a happy meal?
Wearing Vibram Five Finger Shoes Casually:
I can understand people who wear these to work out. Sure they look stupid, but so do you when you work out ((yes, you do). The thing is, they have to come off when you leave the gym. I was in Williamsburg one time (strike one) when a bouncer in a fedora (Strike two) tried to ID me. He was about 5’6″ (Strike three) and wearing linen pants (linen pants are actually cool with me) and vibrams (Strike FOUR YOU’RE OUT! [Four? That doesn’t seem right.]), and that’s why I never go to Brooklyn.
Wearing Fanny Packs:
Statement Retracted, here is the Hulkster shows us how to rock a fanny pack the right way. He’s a real American.
Putting a Sweater on Your Small Dog:
The problem isn’t the sweater, it’s the small dog. I’ll let Ron Swanson explain:
That’s it for this week, I’m off to the movies. Tune in next week, when I hopefully put a little more effort into this.